Between BLOG entries, I have decided that since I am at the beginning of my fertility challenges, I will have to take things one day at a time. One stop at a time. I don't know why, but I keep visualizing this journey as a ride on the TTC train!
I have often struggled with why I am on this train. This is where the "unexplained" part of the infertility comes in! Ever since I can remember, people have mysteriously always gotten pregnant around me without further ado...And, most importantly, Mom never told me about this! She always warned me against becoming pregnant, and scared me with stories of how easy it is to "slip up" and TA-DA! Clearly such a simple story should have raised some doubts in its veracity, but either my lack of knowledge or trusting nature, made me not question it for many years since my adolescence. Truth be told, I feel a little deceived, but I cannot cry over spilled milk. And tempting as it may seem, I cannot keep blaming my parents for everything. And, most importantly, I cannot turn back time: I am 37 and riding this train for the first time.
Although it may have been by accident that I find myself blogging about Infertility, starting this blog has actually allowed me to overcome a mental hurdle: accepting that I am on this journey. I don't know how I got here, or why I have to be on this God-forsaken train, but the questions portion of this segment is OVER. My ticket has been bought, and I am on board!
And the next stop has an unpronounceable name: Hysterosalpingogram!!! a.k.a. HSG (thank god for acronyms!). It is essentially an uncomfortable, and often painful diagnostic test, an X-ray test that examines the inside of uterus and fallopian tubes and the surrounding area. See the link for detailed info: http://www.webmd.com/
I must stop here for a minute to express my utmost surprise at the fact that I am both deathly scared of this procedure and eagerly looking forward to it at the same time. I am looking forward to it, because google has allowed me to find out with a few mere key strokes that, despite how torturous a procedure, fertility may increase for the 3 or 4 cycles following the HSG. And all of us on the TTC train know that any chance, as small as it may seem, to increase the chances of getting off at the next stop, can become the hope that keeps us doing these horrid procedures.
That is actually what keeps us TTC riders going throughout the entire journey, the hope that the next stop will be OUR stop.
The thing is, this TTC train fantasy is greatly helping me to deal with the process.And even though I want to get off the train ASAP, I am also sure it is a train I did not want to miss...let's hope it's not too bumpy a ride!
Until next time...my thoughts are with my fellow TTC riders.
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