Awareness

Today's post should be short.
I already shed many tears yesterday about IF, about not being able to conceive easily, etc etc...I cannot afford (emotionally) to be doing that everyday. After all, I am at the beginning of my TTC journey, and I may have to brace myself for what's ahead. As I discover and read more blogs, I learn that it could be a long road (even longer than the long road we feel we have already traveled!) or hopefully not...

One thing is for sure...Through this journey, I am slowly understanding the levels of complexity of Infertility and its effects. Everyday a new level is revealed to me in a different and unexpected way.

Yesterday it was while I had lunch with my mother. I am sure that in her busy and productive mother-of-two-life, she never prepared herself to deal with infertility. She never had to. She got married at 24, pregnant on her first try at 25 and did it all over again 3.5 yrs later. She always complained how hard "being a mother" was, so I am pretty sure she never even gave a single thought to how equally hard "not being a mother" could be....
And now there I was staring her in the face, sharing my story, my struggle, bearing my soul, and feeling somewhat ashamed by it, and to be honest, she looked completely stunned. Quiet. She, who normally is a full of advice and words of wisdom, was speechless. She could not utter a word, or share a story. She normally has an opinion, a decisive one usually, where she tells me what to do and says: "trust me, I know, I am your mother." or "listen to my experience" in a loving and matter-of-fact way. NO. Not this time. She could not share any maternal advice on this topic. She just sat there quietly, scared to even ask questions. Tentative.
At some points, I thought to myself that she had no idea how to relate to me when I explained what a difficult road it is, how it is hard to go through the heartbreak every month and still keep the hope alive...I think she may have even thought that I was exaggerating the feelings...I feared that she may be thinking: "it can't be that bad...after all, we are 'only' talking about getting pregnant, not an illness or anything" At which time I had to compare IF to cancer in order to see an ounce of sympathy...(maybe I over did it, but I needed to see a reaction!)

Then it hit me, awareness....there is no awareness about infertility! It is a medical condition that is never talked about, discussed, or taught in schools. Parents never pass down any knowledge or thoughts about not being able to conceive. It is taboo. An it is certainly not seen as a medical condition worthy of help.

We all grew up knowing of that ONE strange, and eerie couple in the neighbourhood that never had children. Many gossiped about them. Many called them frivoulous (for all those holidays they were able to take: French riviera, Taiwan, Russia, Japan, India, Mali), or selfish (for renovating their homes, or buying a new sports car, or going to the hairdresser..of course, they have no children think about) and many pitied them for being "barren" as if it was a punishment from above...but none ever saw them as people possibly suffering from a medical condition. No one supported them. No one rallied around them and comforted them. No one talked to them. SILENCE.

ENOUGH. We must break the infertility silence. We must make society aware that this is a problem that is real. It exists. It is a condition, an illness, a medical problem. We must break those taboos and teach people about it so they may become more sensitive and stop hurting us with their ignorant advice to "JUST RELAX."

In the spirit of this, I wanted to dedicate today's post to increasing this awareness, instead of just ranting about my inability to conceive, and the usual pity-party.

I invite you all dear anonymous readers to read a wonderful article about infertility: http://www.self.com/health/2010/08/breaking-the-silence-on-infertility?currentPage=1

And most of all I invite you to share them with people who do not suffer infertility, maybe even starting with your close family members...send it to your sister, mother, father, friend...let us educate them so they can help us.

Let us all be aware...let us not be alone...